The Young and Mighty Dwarf
by CherryTroi
Summary: A triple crossover of Young Ones, Red Dwarf and Mighty Boosh. Not sure if I'll finish it, depends on feedback.
1. The Young Ones in space

**Hi haven't posted in a while but this is my first Dwarf or Young Ones fanfic, and because it's a 3 way crossover I'm just going to post it in each category sorry. I'm not sure if I'll finish writing this, it depends on the review, so please share your thoughts, thanks!:) **

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING**

Rick was sleeping peacefully, an annoying grin on his face as he dreamt about drinking tea with Cliff Richard while discussing politics. Just as Rick started a duet with his hero, he was rudely awoken by Vyvian smashing his head through the bottom of Rick's bed, making a massive crashing noise. The punk scrunched his face up, clearly confused at Rick as if it was his fault that his head was there.  
"What are you doing in my bed, you pervert," shouted Vyvian indignantly, half-attempting to headbutt Rick, except he couldn't really move.  
"Um, no Vyvian, you're the pervert, you're in my bed, so you better leave before I ... before I hit you over the head!," Rick threatened unconvincingly, gesticulating uselessly at the punk.  
"No, I was here first," came the defiant reply, totally ignoring the threat.  
Rick went to hit Vyv - then suddenly remembered the last time he had hit him. It had started a four hour long fight, which ended up with a very big explosion, which resulted in the untimely death of six pigeons. Instead of starting anything like that again, Rick decided to exact revengeupon him later, through some sneaky, silly plot.

"Oh whatever Vyvian, you're sooo immature. I don't even care because I'm going downstairs to get some tea anyway," Rick nodded exaggeratedly as he swung his legs over the side of his bed, promptly falling into a heap on the floor, which was further away than usual.  
Vyvian dislodged his head after some difficulty, and stood over Rick's crumpled body, scrutinising the bunk beds they had both just been sleeping in.  
"It appears we have just been sleeping in a bunk bed," Vyv said matter of factly, and to no-one in particular, then stomped out of the room, down unfamiliar grey corridors, in search of Neil to make him some food. When the punk's noisy footsteps echoed into silence, Rick jumped to his feet, straight into a tense fighting stance, his eyes bugging almost out of his skull.  
He spun around slowly, surveying his alien surroundings. A grey steel bunk bed, a mirror over a cluttered desk of old food, a cupboard with a poster of Marilyn Monroe (which provoked an eyebrow waggling from the completely-not-sexist-just-appreciating-the-human-body student) and a counter with a small toaster on. After Rick was satisfied that he was in no danger, he stuck his hands on his hips.  
"Oh yes, very funny, ha ha, good one guys, I bet this was you Vyvian," Rick shouted at the empty room, confident that this was another one of the punk's practical jokes, although he didn't really understand the humour behind this one. Where was the pain?  
"Would you like some toast?"  
"Yes," Rick replied, not surprised by the fact that the toaster talked, but by the facts that someone was actually offering him food.  
"Really!? Oh boy! Put some bread in me, I'll make you the best toast you've ever had," the toaster boasted.  
"Ooooh," Rick elongated the word unnecassarily and started to waggle his finger at the toaster, "no, you can't ever offer someone food without asking for their money first, can you? Food, a simple necessity of life, why is it so hard to give a brother some food. What has Thatcher brought this country to? FASCIST!" Rick yelled, and left.  
The toaster sighed dejectedly.

Mike was wandering around the ship, wondering why he was there. He wasn't phased though, Mike the cool person always kept his cool. He entered a room with a big table in the centre and decided this would be the room for a house meeting. He sat down at the head of the table and called "House meeting in three seconds."  
In one second, Vyvian stomped in.  
In two seconds, Neil came in, dripping wet.  
In three seconds, Rick stalked in.  
They all took their seats.  
"Rick, you're late."  
"Sorry Michael."  
"Neil, why are you sopping wet?"  
"Well, ok guys I have something reeeally interesting to tell you alright? While I was looking around for you guys, I like, fell in this massive vat of water, and at first I was all like, 'heavy man now I'm all cold and wet. Why do bad things always happen to me' right? But in there I found this massive sea creature, it called itself the despair squid ok, and he did try to attack me right, but then he realised my life was already filled with so much despair so like, instead we just talked about suicide."  
"Neil, you are the most boring person in the whole world and everyone would be better off if you drowned," Rick responded wittily.  
Neil considered this then fell unconscious after Vyvian hit him hard in the face with a frying pan.  
Mike went on, pretending he'd never asked Neil why he was so sopping wet. "So boys, where are we?"  
"On the mining ship Red Dwarf," a blonde woman said, appearing on a black computer screen.


	2. The Dwarfers in The Zooniverse

**Thanks for reading up to here, I'm not sure if I've got there characters yet but idk. Thoughts so far?**

Kryten had woken up, or come to, or whatever Kryten does, in the early hours of the morning. He had either sensed the change in his surroundings, or sensed all the new dust and cleaning oppurtunities. Porbably the dust. So he'd started sweeping the floor vigorously, not having seen this much dirt since, well, ever. What he didn't realise was that he was outside, on a dirt path, so sweeping it up was going to take him quite a long time. Maybe even longer than it takes him to get the super curry stains out of Mr Lister's trousers. Maybe.  
Occupied with his new task, he didn't seem to notice as the sun rose, and people in green jackets were walking past him, throwing him bewildered glances.  
Arround midday, Lister, Rimmer and The Cat had found him, and were trying to persuade the mechanoid to go with them.  
"Come on, you complete pillock. We have no idea where we are or how we got here, we could be in some crazy dimension full of brain sucking horrible aliens disguising themselves as humans. We need to get out of the open and discuss our options," Rimmer reasoned, watching Lister tug at Kryten's arm with one hand, and hold The Cat back with the other hand.  
For once Lister agreed with Rimmer though. "He's right, you can't stay out here sweeping the ground, it's supposed to be dusty. Besides, everyone's staring at your, erm, head," Lister pointed out.  
The Cat was ignoring the conversation, and sniffing the air. "I smell cats. Big cats," he said menacingly, hunching his shoulders up, and standing on his tiptoes. Then someone caught his attention; a lady with glasses and brown glossy hair piled on top of her head, holding a snake.  
"Ow!" Cat broke free of Lister's grip and danced over to the snake lady confidently.  
He leaned against a wall, blocking her path and holding out a hand, smiling charmingly.  
"Hi, I'm The Cat."  
The lady looked him up and down, taking in his shiny hair and glittering tuxedo.  
"Hello, I'm Mrs Gideon. You must be one of Vince's friends," she offered helpfully, then added in an undertone, "although Vince doesn't dress quite as tackily as you. Vince is a lovely boy," she smiled and walked off, cooing to her snake and talking about the one time she got to touch Vince's hair, leaving Cat stood still, stunned.  
He couldn't believe his ears. Someone has better hair than him? More charm? Better style? Lister took advantage of his friend's momentary stillness, and hauled him back to where Kryten was still sweeping uselessly.  
"But, I don't understand. I'm the best dressed thing in existence, who's Vince, I want to have a word with his hairdresser." The Cat straightened his bow tie indignantly, having finally recovered from the shock.  
Lister shook his head helplessly at his two disfunctional friends, and then glared at Rimmer.  
"A little help here Rimmer?"  
"Oh right. Kryten, you utter gimboid, I order you to stop sweeping."  
"Oh but sir, it's so dusty," Kryten whined.  
"Stop."  
Kryten did as he was ordered, but he started shaking in indignation, thinking bad words in his head.  
"Ok, let's go into this office, it looks empty," Lister suggested, leading them all in, and shutting the door behind them.  
Rimmer immediately started pacing, like all military leaders do in times of trouble.  
"Ok, we need a plan of action, we're on a strange planet, or on Earth, well, we could be anywhere. How shall we find out?"  
Lister just rolled his eyes.  
"It's no good rolling your eyes at me Listy, on a foreign planet, we need a leader. And as the highest ranking crew member, I have to take charge."  
AS if to prove this, Rimmer sat down on the big chair behind the desk, but as soon as he did, a man clad in pale blue erupted from under the desk, onto Rimmer's lap.  
"Welcome to the Zooniverse!" Fossil yelled, spraying Rimmer's shiny H with spit.


	3. The Boosh in the uni house

**I'm sorry this bits really short, and I don't think I've got them in character yet, but if I continue writing this it'll get better I promise! So thankyou if you've read this far, means alot.**

Vince slowly came to consciousness, fluttering his eyelids open lazily. Weird; where were his Bowie posters that usually adorned his ceiling? Frowning slightly, he got out of bed. The room he found himself in was smelly and messy, and it was making Vince feel slightly claustrophobic so he left quickly, and went downstairs. He tripped slightly on his platform boots, and flung out a hand to steady himself. The hand went straight through the flimsy walls. Vince shook the dust off his hand and continued downstairs to find Naboo, Howard and Bollo at a messy kitchen table.  
"Alright," the electro ponce nodded at them, sitting down.  
They nodded back in acknowledgement.  
"You got any idea where we are Naboo?," Vince asked calmly.  
"Nope."  
"Oh, ok. I thought you'd arranged a surprise school trip or something."  
"Vince, you're an adult, and who does surprise school trips anyway?" Howard asked disbelievingly.  
"I dunno... kidnappers I guess. Have we been kidnapped?"  
Bollo shook his head. Vince shrugged. Howard looked around, paranoid.  
"Urm, so, I suppose we could watch TV?" Vince suggested, not really knowing what to do in situations like this.  
The others nodded in agreement, and sauntered over to the three seater sofa, Naboo, Bollo and Vince leaving no room for Howard.  
"Oh great, thanks guys," Howard tutted.  
Vince winked at his friend and turned on the TV. A image of Saturday Night Live appeared slowly.  
"Wow, this is an old TV, still showing Saturday Night Live from the 80s," Vince remarked, but happy to listen to some 80s alternative comedy.  
A newspaper shot through the letterbox, and Howard, already standing, went and picked it up to read.  
"Oh," Howard said in his panic voice, "we're in 1982."  
There was silence for a few seconds while they took the information in.  
"That's genius!"


End file.
